This morning my wife and I took off for Branson, MO to take part in a marriage retreat that our friend Shannon O'Dell was putting on. As we approach our 25th wedding anniversary I can't help but think back on my own parents who made it to this mile stone, but shortly afterward went through a divorce. I have many friends who have also had to navigate the horrible disillusionment of God's sacred gift. As I reflect on my my marriage, I thought it would be helpful to consider what has made our marriage successful and also what has attacked our marriage over these last 25 years.
I think the greatest attack is at the root of all the others and it's connected to our naturally narcissistic nature. We come into marriage as individuals and for many, they miss the beauty of God's picture that the two shall become one (Mark 10:8). We many times withhold our role in marriage to bless our spouse because we are wanting to punish them for not fulfilling some need that we think they should be filling in our lives. Our advisory understands this issue far better than we know. Then we are tempted to find fulfillment in the arms of another or we fantasize about how the grass is greener. A previous pastor of mine once said: the grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it. The converse of this narcissistic reality is also the secret to the success of my marriage.
I have at times over the last 25 years struggled in my marriage. But whenever thoughts or feelings connected to those struggles emerged, I owned them as my issue and not my spouse's. Therefore, I would pray immediately that God would reveal to me each time what was wrong in my spiritual life, emotional life, or thought life. I would return often to key passages like Romans 12:1-2 and Ephesians 5: 22-33 and reflect on my role in our marriage. In what way was I not blessing my wife with my time, my thoughts, or my devotion? Was there something or someone else competing for any of those areas. This is the secret my friends! Take captive every thought, emotion, or time thief that comes against your marriage and place your attention on the noble institution of marriage (2 Corinthians 10:5). Remember your vows, remember your fist love (Rev. 2:4), and your bride or groom as God has purposed them for you (Proverbs 5:18).
These realties can save, enhance, and bring joy to your marriage. Where both in the marriage understand and operate within their unique Biblical roles marriages flourish and last. Where one or both neglect these realties chances will increase that a divorce is on the horizon. If you have been through a divorce, this blog is not meant to condemn you but to help you ensure in the future that new endeavors and relationships will have greater success. There is also not enough time in a short blog to address all the unique, painful, and varied issues that come up in marriage. If you are struggling in this season, please contact me personally so that I can provide a more personal response to your unique situation. I find today that the silver marriage anniversary is more precious because Christ has brought my wife and I though so much and it is because or our devotion to Him that we are still married today and can look forward to celebrate many more anniversaries.
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